Oh, the Places You'll Go

Once I regained consciousness from New Year's fuckery, and my new friends did fascinating things like go the hell home, I remembered that I was: 1. NOT on holiday, and 2. needed to find a place to live.
I have a job, and I start in 6 days! It was nice that I had time to wander, but I couldn´t keep paying for the hostel. I had to find an apartment! Oooooh, welcome to the fuckery that is looking for a piso (that's Castellano for 'apartment', y'all) in Madrid!

I learned to navigate all kinds of web sites. EasyPiso, SegundoMano, and Idealista, are all great places to look if you are moving to Spain, and don´t want to be homeless. I had a few things working against me - language barrier: check! No real idea where I am, or where I need to look: check! Can't navigate the Metro to save my life: check! I'm an Old, and I hate the thought of multiple roommates: double check! All of this was made even more complicated because of Three King's Day, and a bank holiday that left Madrid locked down like Fort Knox.

My dear mother told me: "Don´t take the first place you see!". With this sage advice in mind, I got on the internet, and started looking for pisos. Thanks to the nice woman at the Ministry, and Victoria (the head of the English Department at my new school), I had a decent idea which parts of the city I needed to look in. Many different places. Places with fun names like ´Alcobendas´, ´Chamberi´, San Sebastian de los Reyes´, ´Holy Fuck, that´s how far north?´, ´Do they even have Black People Here´, ´What, no Starbucks?´, Dear God, there´s no way I will ever get Wifi here!´, and ´Is that a damn MOUNTAIN across the street!?´.

Fun times. I went looking for the first piso, located in a neighborhood called: Barrio del Pilar!

 *crickets*.... *crickets*
...yeah, I never heard of it either. It´s north of the center, and I had to walk for what felt like foooooorrrrrr-EEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRRR to get to the place. Especially when I realized that I was walking the wrong way (doh!).
So I showed up at the place, out of breath, swearing under my breath, and sweating like a hooker in Church. Lovely. Remember kids, first impressions are everything! ;-)

I loved that piso as soon as I saw it: The price was wonderful(!!!), it had a balcony (11th floor, but whatever), and it was near Plaza de Castilla (which I didn´t know shit about, but I knew I needed to live near there for my bus to work). I was already like:¨"Shut up and take my money!!", but I had 2 more places to look at that day, and I didn´t want to waste the other realitor´s time. Plus mom said to look around. I knew the other 2 places would have a lot to live up to after this place, and I meant it.

But every time I thought of that piso, I was like:

So ready, y'all.

So I moved on to a place called Chamberi. As usual I had no idea where I was going, so I turned to my new best friend: Google Maps! I will swear on a stack of bibles [not that I own a bible], that Google Maps has saved me from ambling down a dark alley many times!

So after going where Google Maps told me, I finally found 'Chamberi'. And It. Was. GORGEOUS!!

I can not get over these BEAUTIFUL buildings!

All this amazing architecture. Just hanging out. Chillin.

Don't ask which Metro station I came out of. I have no idea.

As usual, I can spot a café a mile away.

I went to the first place I saw.

LOOK AT MY COFFEE. LOOK AT IT.

Why am I so obsessed with these places!?

Random dude crossing the street. I just liked the shot.

I love that I can get a café anywhere.

I know the piso is around here somewhere...

 I looked at the piso and while it was a good price, it was tiny as hell. There was no way I could live there with another person. It was way too cramped. Also, I wanted to register as an occupant in my place. Something known as 'empadronamiento'. This is a huge deal, y'all. If something happens and I'm not 'empadron' in my piso, I can't even get an ambulance to come. I also won't be seen at the emergency room. It's serious. So when I asked the landlord if I could empadron there, and he started with: "Wellll...." Yeah.
To be honest, I didn't even catch the whole excuse he gave me. I was too busy hearing:

Yeah. If I tell you that I need to do little things like OBEY THE LAW, and you start stammering and fumbling: We're done here, son. So after being courteous, and thanking him for his time [of course, I'm not a total savage], I wandered around taking more pictures.

I never made it to the third place. Why? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. Turns out: Madrid is freaking HUGE. I took another couple hundred trains [shut up, it felt like it] to what I thought was San Sebastian de los Reyes. I was proudly following my apparently wrong as hell buddy Google Maps, when the woman showing the apartment called. I told her where I was, and she said: "Oh no, you're still in Madrid." I said: "Of Course, where else would I be?" She kindly informed me that I had to leave Madrid, take the longest train ride ever, and go outside the city. You see: San Sebastian de los Reyes is not a barrio. It's a freaking different town, that is still in the Communidad de Madrid. Also, I am a complete moron. Just throwing that out there. It was too late to make the appointment at that point, so we cancelled it. Back at the hostel, the fabulous Jay told me what I was really thinking: Just shut up and take the first piso. So I did. I got in contact with the landlord, made the payment arrangements, and got ready to move. I was no longer homeless! Hooray!