Chueca is one of the rainbow districts in Madrid, so it is appropriate that I ended up there! I explored all the side streets, taking note of such landmarks as "Leather Bar" and the various sex shops that I saw. Nicely enough, these became the ways I found my way back to the hostel. I also noticed how much Chueca looks like the French Quarter.
I kept going in that direction until I found myself at Gran Via. Oh. My. GOD. If the airport and Metro debacle, with a side of getting lost in Chueca, didn´t make this real: standing in the middle of Gran Via certainly did!
There it was: the street I have only read about in books, and seen in videos. I was standing in the freaking middle of it. And I ... needed ...to... MOVE! What the hell am doing just standing in the middle of the block, when people are trying to walk!? ACH! Bad American, Bad bad BAD! I later realized that I didn't even get a picture of the first time I saw Gran Via. Perhaps I was too busy staring at the landmark that would later become known to me as 'Fancy-pants McDonalds' (They fancy, y'all!).
I swear, every time I see a fast food joint in Madrid, I'm like:
So anyway: I stopped being a jerk and crossed the street, gawking at Fancy-pants McDonalds and the big red tree. Suddenly there was a woman in front of me, with her hand out. She was talking to me, but she spoke so fast I couldn´t make out what she was saying. It was like: "A wild native speaker appears! She uses 'Confound them with Castellano'... It is super effective!
I tried to speak: "Please slow down, I don´t understand. ¡Ummm... No entiendo...Menos(???) Rapido, por favor!" She answered me with what sounded like: "¡hnnfjrñsthuesañhntgrjusñtgputahofñeahfñearfholu!"
I walked away, then stopped... Heeeeey. I know one of those words... Let´s see: "¡hnnfjrñsthuesañhntgrjusñtputaghofñeahfñearfholu!" WAITAMINUTE! I stood there for a second and said: "Wait, did that bitch just call me a bitch?" A man walking by must have understood me, because he laughed and patted me on the back saying: "Sí, Sí." As in: "Why yes, My American friend. That bitch did, in fact, just call you a bitch." 3.5 hours in Madrid. NICE.
I wandered around past Gran Via and ended up in Puerta del Sol, which is now apparently called 'Vodaphone Sol'. Hmmmm... that wasn't in my tourist guide. Eh, whatever, they had a gold tree. Look at it, it's pretty. Oooooooh. See? I quickly learned that to everyone it's just Sol, which works fine for me. I took pictures, because I have no problem being That Guy.
I wandered into the Orange store to get my Spanish SIM card, and luckily they had someone who spoke English. I have no problem testing out my Castellano, but I was tired as hell and just wanted to get my phone turned on. The woman there said she spoke English, but kept getting stumped on some things:
"When do you leave Spain?"
"I leave in July."
"Eh?"
"July. I leave in July"
"I'm sorry?"
"Julio."
"I'm sorry, I don't understand you."
"It's the month after June..?"
"Umm... "
I resisted the urge to shake her and scream "JULY, BITCH! JULYYYYY!!", because: I am a LADY.
It didn't click until I physically wrote: 07/2014. My head... it hurts me so.
After I got my SIM card sorted out, took an Ibuprofen, put my phone away, and just walked. Now, in my mind I went the same direction that I came from. In my mind, that is. In reality, I got horribly lost, and had to turn to my trusty Map of Madrid to find my way back. Because this is me we're talking about, I STILL managed to get lost even with a damn map! "Just walk!" I said, "You'll totally remember the way back!" I said. Man, I have got to stop listening to myself. I look at it this way: If you constantly tell yourself that you are on a Grand Adventure, You will never be lost.
...My life is a constant Grand Adventure.
After another hour on Calle de Idontevenfuckingknowanymore, I managed to take a left and see: 'Leather Bar'! Halle-freaking-lujah! That hostel's around here somewhere, folks! I found my street (Oh, here's a tip: There are no signs on poles here. The street signs are mounted on the walls. If you want to figure out where the hell you are, go to the corner and look up.), and checked into my hostel. I took my sheets and bags into the room, locked up my laptop and small things, and passed right out. I didn't even make the bed. I just laid down the sheet, grabbed a comforter, and that was a wrap.
Next entry: The first night in Madrid begins, my friends!
No comments:
Post a Comment