First Night Fuckery

This entry is dedicated to my darlings Jay and Sebastian.

OKOKOKOKOK, so where were we!?

Ah, yes: Madrid. I flew across the ocean for the first time in my life, got my first passport stamp, and wandered around like a lost puppy with a head wound. I had nothing but my guide to the city, and my incredibly bad Spanish to get me to my hostel. I managed to make it through the Endless Stairs of the Metro, around the Hissing Locals of Gran Vía, and past the Cursing Crone of Sol, only to get fabulously lost in Chueca in an attempt to find my hostel. I finally found Leather Bar, and unlocked the last achievement: Get to hostel and go to sleep. Achievement unlocked, and I promptly passed out.

BUT: because this is me we're talking about, I only slept for 4 or 5 hours. I woke up and looked for Jay, a fabulous boy I'd met at the hostel when I checked in earlier that day. Jay was also new to Madrid, he'd moved there the day before. I really wanted to check out the Madrid nightlife I heard so much about, and Jay had a few great ideas. We hooked up with two Brazilians who were in my room, and hit the town.

Our first stop was El Tigre, a place around the corner. It was there that I had my first Tinto de Verano, which has since become my favorite drink here in Spain. Oh, and I still love El Tigre.  Sue me.

I'm the black one...

After a few drinks (and a few plates of tapas), we decided to see what else was happening. We went back to the hostel to meet up with a guy Jay met while I was unconscious, named Sebastian. Sebastian was an Aussie who was also new to Madrid... like he literally just landed. I had no idea that he, along with Jay, would become so freaking close to me in just a matter of hours! So on we stagger, with Jay leading the way,  through the streets of Chueca.

Arrr, there be fuckery afoot! Right this way...

We turn the corner and find a club. but it's not just any club. My first night in Madrid, and I just HAPPEN to find: a drag show. STOP.  My mother always says that I can find a gay bar anywhere, and let me tell you: She ain't kidding! Plus, we were offered a free shot for checking it out, so of course we HAD to do it. I mean, who am I to turn down free alcohol, even if it does taste like rubbing alcohol?

Sooooo, we're in the bar and there is already a performance happening. Where should we sit? Hmmmm, well there is only one place where all of us can fit.... annnnnd it's in the front freaking row! Hoorah (oh God, please no.)! Yup, we're in the front row, and everyone knows that the best place to get roasted by a drag queen is in the front row. Oh, and guess who wins the PRIME spot right next to the stage? If you guessed: 'Anyone other than KC White.', well then you haven't been paying attention, have you!?

So, the very first thing I realized: I pretty much have NO idea what's being said to me. As much as I learned in 4 semesters of college Spanish ( 2 years, son!), there is nothing, I mean nothing like being surrounded by native speakers. There will never be a comparison. I know I mentioned this earlier with the woman who called me a puta, but it's so true. You just can't learn this in a textbook. Period.
Another thing I learned: My whole life, I've been like: "Yeah, I'm from New Orleans! Woooo! NOLA, baby! Etc." Yeah, when the performer asked me where I was from, and I replied with utmost confidence: "Nueva Orleans." I was met with a vicious side eye, and a loud "EH? DÓNDE!?" #wompwomp

Yeah, a lot of people here seem to have no idea where I'm from. NOLA baby, my ass! Holy ego deflation, Batman!
I was like:

I also realized that not only is my Spanish crap, no one here calls it that. In Spain it's 'Castellano'. Learn it, Live it, love it. I spent the rest of the time being roasted by every queen that took the damn stage.

Despite having to help me block all that shade, Jay and I still had time to take a quick selfie...

Because I have something called a sense of humor, and Jay was there to tell me what the hell they were saying about me, I just rolled with the punches. The Queens were nice, funny, and when they weren't making cracks about me being a lesbian, they were telling me how nice I was, and thanking me for being such a good sport. They also let me have it, because the only thing I seemed to understand were the dirty jokes! Hell, why wouldn't I? Be honest: when you're learning a new language, one of the first things you learn are the 'naughty' things. Don't lie!
But I stuck to my mantra: When in doubt, nod and smile! I mean, what else can you do? I'm in a foreign country, and I barely speak the language. It's KC season, and let me tell you something: those bitches were hunting!

 

I need a shirt that says 'Khephra Season'. For real.

I DID notice that my comprehension was better than I thought, and I could answer some questions. I wasn't quite as dreadful as I feared, but still: My Castellano needs Jesus. Real talk.
After many (and I mean many) shots were fired, we ambled out of the club, and looked for another spot. We found a club near the hostel, and decided to go dancing. Almost as soon as we arrived, I heard a familiar song start playing...

Yup, even in Madrid that song is a huge hit. I didn't realize it at the time, but that song would follow me EVERYWHERE for my first month in Madrid. I had only been here for 17 hours or so, but after
 a couple  a few  some  several drinks and a crowded dance floor, I was looking forward to seeing what the next day would have in store for me. Stay tuned for day 2, and I promise  I won't make you wait 2 months for the next entry. Look for a bunch of updates in the next couple of weeks. I've got a LOT to tell you! ;-)